Spot the Difference ?

Spot

the

Difference ?

The other day was my brother’s birthday. This meant taking a short journey back to my parents home to celebrate his 17th, give him his gift and in the end staying over for the night. The small family party was over and I felt it was time to call it a night. In bed half awake I began looking around my teenage bedroom at a view which I had seen a hundred times before and stared out of a window at the road I grew up in. This got me all reminiscent and in a spare of the moment act, I decided to pull out my old school leaving books, books in which my high school friends wrote heartfelt messages of departure, thinking back on not so long ago moments I’d forgotten. I searched where I thought they belonged but no sight. I looked around determined to find them but nothing. All there was where fashion illustration book and designers biographies. It was too late to ask if my parents had moved them, so thinking nothing of it I went back to bed and tried again to sleep.

 In bed I took a harder look and realized a great deal had been removed without me even caring. With my mind still in a reminiscent state and the fact I was back in my teenage bedroom, in my teenage bed, triggered my teenage dramas into flooding back. Turning on my side I began thinking about ex loves and fall out friendships, which I thought at 16 where the hardest times with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Guess the weight wasn’t so heavy after all because  like my leaving books, I realized how they disappeared without even noticing. Seems a little disillusioned now. I mean how many times have we aided a distressed friend over  a bad break-up but reacted in the same manner when confronting the situation ourselves? Now we can laugh at such times but truthfully we could never fully forget because its what makes us who we are today.

 I would say I’ve  fell in love with three people in my short teen/adult life and I use the word ‘fell’ rather than been because I’ve only been with one. Plus now am older there’s a slight hazy confusion in my mind whether am even ‘aloud’ to count it as love without beginning officially with them. Did I only use the ’L’ word because at the time its all I knew or was it the really thing? My mind began to be burdened with the memories starring the other two. How I’d stare out the same window as before, for their car to pull up to take me anywhere. The ways I planned how our lives would be, how it was fate that what I planned would  happen. Future lives created with a naive approach. All these emotions of teen immaturity mix with the now, played around in my head asking the question, do are surrounding shape our feelings? Currently with what I class as the love of my life and living in what use to be a new place. I feel I got a unneeded new start which has structured my current life, resulting in new memories over taking past feelings. I can recall the strange time when I was calling my new flat, home and my childhood home, my parents house. From then on it became a natural development of using my new address when home shopping and filling out forms.

I thought about how once important things like gameboys and colouring books had been replaced, upgraded if you will to laptops and fashion magazine which now seem like life essentials. Items to go forward in life. Far more useful than a game console which gave me so much joy as a kid. Now I feel a slight guilt when having a rare moment to play my x-box360 having a voice at the back of my mind saying - “isn’t there some ‘fashion related’ way to using this time better”? Is that the adult thing to do, gain more knowledge? We have grew up saddle without realising. At a young age we expected to wake up on our 18th birthday, look in the mirror and see a completely changed person both in brains and facially instead of a natural progression of maturity. Can you remember the time when all we wanted to do was be older, work, earn money, drink and dress the way we wanted. Is it now the totally opposite? Do we wish for the time where we can just get up to watch S.M.T.V live or being able to name all 150 ‘original’ pokemon was a necessity in life, instead of thinking about what bank loan has the best APR to help with your current money troubles? And if your reading this not  knowing what S.M.T.V live means or why I’ve emphasised the word original, then it proves that times, as well as joys do changed.

I can image someone reading this thinking I don’t know what the hell am talking about. Am only 21 and haven’t even lived my life. True, I have so much more to come but am socially classed as an adult and apart from child and teenager, there isn’t another stage in life. There not even a once wished ’pre’ reference like pre-adult. There’s no such thing as pre-elderly thank god. So how has the past of are youth shaped out the future and what will end up missing out of our thought to be frozen bedrooms